April 1, 2010

Stories of the Day – Apr 1, 2010

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Out of Florida … Oh Momma

denardspan Denard Span has made it to the big leagues so he invited his entire…entire family to watch him perform as the lead off batter for the Minnesota Twins. The family took their seats behind home plate as Denard stood at the plate. He stood their like a future hall of famer. He stared down the pitcher and took…took the first pitch. It was a ball! Then came the second pitch, it was coming right down the middle and Denny was ready! He swung for the fence and connected with full force, but the ball did not go over the fence. No, he fouled it straight back and nailed his mother right in the chest!!!! Paramedics fixed her up and she was able to finish watching her son play a great game.

Out of Indiana … Behavioral Modification

Two Martinsville coppers were called to a local elementary school because a 10 year-old…yes a 10 year-old was out of control. When officers arrived they were shocked to find that he was literally hurting other kids and flipping out like a hyperactive active kid on a sugar buzz. So to take care of the situation the two officers tazed and slapped the kid. That calmed him down, but they are looking for work.

Out of Japan … Playing the Organ

japan-festivalOur Asian friends are known for their great…huge festivals! And nothing is bigger than their annual Penis Festival. Yes indeed, the tally of wackiness has its own festival in Japan. Each year people gather in the streets to display their massive wood…uh, wooden statues I should say. Out of all the festivals this one definitely…definitely arouses the most interest. In large part, it is because the biggest reproductive organ of all times, it’s their big Willie statue which is 8 feet tall and 620 pounds….here in America we just call that Tommy Lee.

Tony Russell is a co-host on 100.7 The Wolf in Seattle, WA's Fitz in The Morning! He is also a counselor and teaching pastor at www.ChurchOnTheRidge.org and of course, a frequent contributor on www.snoqqer.com. He and his family are part of the Snoqualmie Ridge community.

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